They Tightened the Knot
On March, 27, 2022, the caption on purely_nora’s Instagram post read: “We are overjoyed to finally share that we are expecting Baby Massey in August.”
On face value, the post was the type of pregnancy announcement commonplace on the app. But the rest of the caption tells a different, more difficult story. “While we have big smiles in this picture, the last five years have been long, difficult, and often painful,” it reads. “We’ve been through various diagnoses, multiple medicated cycles, three failed IUIs, two miracle pregnancies that resulted in losses, one egg retrieval for IVF, one successful embryo transfer that resulted in a miscarriage, and ultimately, our second transfer that brought us here.”
Nora Linn ’11 Massey, who runs the account, has been outspoken on social media about her struggles with fertility, specifically aiming to end the stigma she says society has toward talking about the subject. By her side is her husband, Christian Massey ’10.
“You feel terrible seeing your partner going through the physical parts,” says Christian. “But I feel like the mental part is just so much worse. When you both want something so badly, a child, and it just keeps failing, failing, failing, it wears you down a little bit.”
Nora says the process of going through IVF treatment ultimately strengthened their marriage. “Going through something like that, and having a lot of disappointment, it made us stronger,” she says. “We are such a better team, we know each other super well. He did all of my IVF shots.
“It was an experience that I wouldn’t wish upon a couple, but, I think, for us, it has made us appreciate parenthood so much more.”
Like many Colgate couples, Christian and Nora met on the Hill when they lived in the same residence hall (Andrews). After graduation, they dated long distance while Christian lived in New York City and Nora was still in Hamilton. One day, after living in Chicago postgrad, Nora had an ah-ha moment: She wanted to be with Christian in New York, and she wanted this relationship to work. So, without a job, she moved into a tiny apartment with two roommates that was outside her budget. Soon, they married and added a dog to their family.
Throughout their seven years of marriage, Nora and Christian have had their share of trials and tribulations. They’d started IVF treatment once before, but ultimately chose to stop due to personal struggles. They’ve dealt with family issues and multiple miscarriages. But Christian describes their relationship like a knot: When things got tough, the knot got tighter and tighter, rather than loosening and falling apart.
Now, Nora’s Instagram page is full of firsts: Maggie’s first farmer’s market outing, her first picnic in Central Park, and her first Christmas. “We’ve been through a lot of garbage, especially with our fertility journey,” Nora says. “I think we’re in the best place we’ve ever been.”
Nora is an executive assistant at General Atlantic, and Christian is the director of investor relations at CenterBook Partners.