{"id":27402,"date":"2026-08-31T08:02:00","date_gmt":"2026-08-31T12:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/?p=27402"},"modified":"2026-08-30T18:42:28","modified_gmt":"2026-08-30T22:42:28","slug":"is-embarrassment-a-necessary-condition-for-growth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/2026\/08\/31\/is-embarrassment-a-necessary-condition-for-growth\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Embarrassment a Necessary Condition for Growth?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In a recent interview, actor Austin Butler discussed overcoming embarrassment and embracing authenticity. In an unlikely place \u2014 while dancing at a party \u2014 Butler received advice that has stuck with him throughout his public-facing career.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSomebody very close to me \u2026 said \u2018embarrassment is an under-explored emotion, go out there and make a fool of yourself,\u2019\u201d Butler recalled. \u201cJust go for it. Feel that feeling \u2014 that feeling of cringe \u2014 and go out there and do it. Everything you want is on the other side of that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, I thought the idea seemed counterintuitive, if not absurd. Many of us \u2014 myself included \u2014 spend a lifetime trying to avoid embarrassment. I knowingly curate the version of myself that others experience, especially in moments that feel vulnerable or uncertain \u2014 defaulting to a version of myself that feels easier to like. But what if embarrassment is a necessary condition for growth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I ask this question as someone who is easily embarrassed. From spilling a salad onto a new outfit to stumbling over my words in class, I have a mental highlight reel of moments I would prefer to forget. In reality, these incidents are small and fleeting, but in the moment, they carry an oversized weight. These were times I found myself wishing for a Harry Potter\u2013style invisibility cloak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Butler speaks of a different kind of embarrassment, though. He\u2019s referring to moments where we hold back \u2014 creating more palatable yet duller versions of ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His comments made me think about how we protect ourselves from embarrassment. I realized that embarrassment is actually vulnerability in disguise \u2014 it doesn\u2019t feel noble or poetic in the moment. To be embarrassed is to be seen fully, imperfectly, and without control. And yet, the discomfort that accompanies embarrassment often signals that something important is at stake, whether it be our image, our relationships, or some personal risk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For college students, especially those of us at a small liberal arts college, dating can be where feelings of embarrassment are most paralyzing. When connecting with someone new, there\u2019s no script to follow. We can\u2019t control how they feel about us \u2014 but we certainly try to control how they perceive us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a way, encouraging people to go out and embarrass themselves is at odds with the nonchalance epidemic that dominates today\u2019s romantic culture. We\u2019re told to play it cool or hide our feelings until they can be revealed perfectly. But that \u201ccool\u201d exterior often comes from the fear of looking foolish \u2014 or more accurately, a desire to protect our pride.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating, or asking someone out, inherently risks embarrassment. It\u2019s having the courage to show someone you like them before knowing if they\u2019ll ever like you back. And down the line, it\u2019s allowing someone to see \u201cfoolish\u201d sides of you. It\u2019s an admirable yet scary risk to seek an intimate connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was once standing at baggage claim next to someone I had noticed on my flight back home from studying abroad. We spent all day in the same places without ever acknowledging it, and it started to feel too coincidental to not say something. After staring at our suitcases, I worked up the courage to point out our matching carry-ons \u2014 both aggressively orange. While waiting for our bags, we discussed our college experiences and ended up debating our favorite Christmas movies. He was easy to talk to in a way that felt rare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my suitcase finally came around, I stubbornly insisted I could grab it myself. As I reached for it, I could feel him watching, and I suddenly became hyperaware of myself. I began to panic: The bag was heavier than expected, and I was struggling to keep up with the moving conveyor belt. I should have just let him help me. Instead, once I finally got it down, I laughed it off and admitted, \u201cThat was embarrassing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we started walking out, I thought about asking for his number \u2014 he lived near me, it seemed too coincidental. There was a moment where it would have made sense, but I held back. I didn\u2019t want to taint the memory in my head by risking awkwardness. It felt safe to end the exchange as easily as it had begun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we exited baggage claim together, our parents appeared almost simultaneously, running to pull us into hugs. We made eye contact in a brief moment of mutual realization. And then it was over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where Butler\u2019s advice becomes less absurd and more practical. When he prompts his audience to \u201cmake a fool of yourself,\u201d he isn\u2019t encouraging recklessness or humiliation for its own sake. Instead, Butler emphasized that embracing embarrassment will allow us to put ourselves out there confidently and authentically. Ultimately, it\u2019s about developing a tolerance for discomfort and recognizing that embarrassment can be a sign of growth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At its core, embarrassment is about letting go of control. It happens in the moment where you can\u2019t manage how you\u2019re seen; it\u2019s where the carefully constructed version of yourself slips. But, letting the veil fall and relinquishing your grasp on tailored impressions is exactly what Butler is suggesting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, embarrassment doesn\u2019t become something to avoid. Instead, it signals that we\u2019re abandoning curated versions of ourselves \u2014 even if it\u2019s just for a moment \u2014 and stepping into something more honest. In a society that associates perfection with connection, we often forget that it\u2019s actually the imperfect and unscripted moments that bring us closer together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This article was originally published in the <\/em>Colgate Maroon-News, of which Emma Hanlon \u201927 is head editor of \u201cBaker\u2019s Dozen.\u201d Hanlon is from Averill Park, N.Y., majors in political science and economics, and is involved in the Colgate Dance Team.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Emma Hanlon ’27 on the value of vulnerability<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1263,"featured_media":27413,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[],"coauthors":[4273],"class_list":["post-27402","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-voices"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/palXSH-77Y","amp_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/6\/2026\/08\/Colgate_Embarrassment_FA_v2.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27402","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1263"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27402"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27402\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27962,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27402\/revisions\/27962"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/27413"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27402"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27402"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27402"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/news.colgate.edu\/magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=27402"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}